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Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email
The doctor said I need to drink more whiskey....Oh, by the way... I`m calling myself "the doctor" now.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???
I told everybody at work that I`ve got 18 cats just to make sure none of them ever want to come over for anything.
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.
I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.
I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didn’t work out.