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Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013."
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
Proposing to a woman isn`t like choosing a life-long business partner. It`s more like hiring your own boss.
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
Home alone… Time to teach the neighbors what good music sounds like!
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!
is at the park. Unless you’re my boss, in which case, I’m at work.