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I don`t understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there`s so heavy.
Don`t act like your not impressed.
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
The art of taking a self pic fast enough that no one sees you. The Stealthfie.
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing aggravates them so much. But if you really want to piss them off tell them you will pray for their souls.
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
I’m planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
The sooner one of you ladies takes ‘one for the team’ and becomes my girlfriend, they sooner I leave the REST of you alone!