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To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
“Let me rephrase this question so I can get pissed off at you all over again.” - WOMEN
One day, I will solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be with alcohol.
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
If I say "I don`t know, let me look", I`m really just spinning around in my chair a few times while you`re on hold.