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If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
The worst part about looking for a job is if you`re successful, you end up with a job.
I swear I just go to the strip club for the music.
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
I hate it when 18 wheelers blow their horns while Im driving, that sh*t wakes me up!
I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache...and then she won`t talk to you anymore.
Life Rule #17: Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, ...just incase.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
Someone has got to come up with a polite way to ask a fat girl if she`s pregnant.
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...