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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
Heat causes things to expand, so I`m not fat; I`m just hot.
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
When you were little, “I’m going to tell your mom” was the scariest sentence ever.
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
According to science the atoms in my body contain the energy of 30 hydrogen bombs, and yet, not enough energy to get up early and go jogging.
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers make any f*cking sense.
When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.