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Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin.
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
Career goal: Being successful enough to add bacon to my burger without asking how much more it costs.
A leaf blower, but for people.
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
Make your girlfriend scream your name, leave the toilet seat up.
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards
Thanks to the words “dude”, “bro”, and “man”, I haven’t said my best friends name in 10 years.