Daily Silly Status

People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.

I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.

I`m an optimist. I didn`t lose a sock in the dryer. I found an extra one!

You have a point. It`s just not very sharp

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

Ordering a water with lemon says “I’m too cheap to buy a drink, but I still like a little zing.”

I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.

McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.

Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

I hate it when I have guests at my house and they ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we poop in the yard.

I checked my horoscope today and all I can say is ...WOW!! I`m a Taurus and I looked it up and sure enough,it says I was born between 4/21-5/21!! Well played horoscope, well played.

I need a job that pays at least 10,000 dollars an hour.

I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.

What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.