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Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive behind them slowly blasting Eye of the Tiger for motivation.
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
I`m just standing here...50 yards away, waiting for the restraining order to expire.
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
I wonder when people without cars pick their noses…
*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!