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Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much stuff to carry.
I dare you to spit on this status.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
You pay more attention to the TV than you do me! - Ma`am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.
Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.