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I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.
I’m sick of closing out every job interview with “I was young. I needed the money.”
When people say they did something "like a boss" I just picture them doing it fatter and with less hair
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.
I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.
The Eskimo´s allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also!