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Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
Did 4 push ups & 2 sit ups then ate 4 doughnuts & drank 2 beers. It`s called balance people!
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
This year, I`m thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don`t even know what I`m doing with the rest of this post...
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.