Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
Sometimes I wonder how people who don`t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
I wouldn`t want lesbian parents. Not because I`m homophobic. I just don`t want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.