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This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
It`s not hotter this year. It`s just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.
The easiest way to escape a conversation is to interrupt the other person and say "this conversation is going great" every few seconds
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.