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some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a “Clear History” button.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.
Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)