Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’ve made some mistakes I wish I could make again.
I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.
Moms birthday is next week. I can’t find a card that says “I wish you loved me more than vodka.”
My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.