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Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
I`m just a boy, standing in front of a girl; not listening to a f*cking thing she`s saying. But nodding, lots of nodding.
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
If u think I talk to much, just let me know. We can talk about it!
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
I like candle lit dinners, romantic walks on the beach, and hardcore pornography.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.