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Falling in love is lot like dying, you never get to do it enough to become good at it.
If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
If someone`s mean to you, just lean in and whisper "I`m a Barbie girl in a Barbie world" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?
A man made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind ... And now, we wait...
Dear YouTube, I will always “Skip this ad.”
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
Parts of my body are turning 50 Shades of Gray
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
Today I heard a guy on the street say, `It`s chowder season, baby!` so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.