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I love running my fingers through my girlfriend`s hair. It`s also a great way to let her know we`re out of napkins.
I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
Some things are better left unsaid, but I`m probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.
I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
If Wendy`s think their square burgers are so awesome, why don`t they use square buns?