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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
I`m not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.