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My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
Screw getting an alarm system. I`ve seen Home Alone, I know what to do.
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
I`m old enough to remember being the tv remote.
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.