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The only Spanish phrase you need to learn is, "I know you guys are talkin sh*t about me."
I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer
in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
Don`t under estimate me... unless you`re trying to guess how old I am or how much I weigh.
So far I`m 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?