Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You’re the reason I wake up everyday... Just kidding I have a job!!
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
That moment when you run into a spider web and suddenly become a karate master.
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
Never piss off a woman on her period...scratch that...Never piss off a woman, period.
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
The key to my heart is shaped like a bottle opener.
I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
Thanks to my mom, I put my name on all of my underwear so they`re easier to spot when I go through the bar`s lost and found box.
If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn`t make me excited, pull the plug.
My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I`m proud of him, I doubt he`ll make a lot of sales in the backyard.