Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a video camera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not sharks though. Or bees. Viruses. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don’t love anything.
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
It`s always the darkest before dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s the best time to do it.
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!
How Big is Infinity?
You know it`s cold outside... when you step on dog poop and roll your ankle