Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I`m tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar, because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and ... hold on, are those nuts?
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
Never fight anyone who bows to you first.
You say I’m dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.