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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
I’m cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass.
In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don`t think I can keep watching movies
It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.
Son: am I adopted? Me: not yet, but we`re hopeful.
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!
If I get a million likes on Facebook......not a damn thing will change.