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It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
I forgot to make a resolution, so I`m pretty much going to just write out everything I did last night and add the word "stop" to the beginning.
Meal prepping is basically eating a week`s worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
Eat breakfast: Check...Pay Phone: Check...Conquer the world: Still Pending...
This Pokemon Go crap is getting ridiculous. I just saw a fight breakout between the pokebloods and the pokecrips.
I was told there would be kool-aid.
Finally, my winter fat is gone, now all I have are spring rolls.
Touch my food and suffer the consequences.
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.