Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
We should really thank our Dads for bringing us into this world since our Moms were probably tired and not in the mood.
I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: ‘last warning, you have a week to get the money together.’
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
Never take a Chess enthusiast to a restaurant with checkered tablecloths!……It’ll take them an hour to pass the salt!
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"
Why do pickup truck commercials think it`s very important that I`m able to tow a plane?
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!