Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face, so I`ve probably only got two, maybe three, days to live.
No one has ever said, "You know what would make this even better? ... Turkey bacon."
In alcohol`s defense, I`ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
When a bird bangs into your window, do you wonder if God is playing angry birds
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
It`s amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
When nobody`s home, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house.
Man I wanna throw a book at someones face and be like "I Facebooked you!"
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered is god playing angry birds hmm