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Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
I have been tagged and poked so many times today, I may not be able to walk tomorrow.
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
The wet spot in my bed is tears
I thought I was feeling a little bloated today, turns out I had my underwear on backwards.
"The secret is that it`s all in the wrist!" -My grandfather talking about golf or handjobs or something
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
My grandpa has Alzheimer`s, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.
Live For Today… Plan For Tomorrow… Party Tonight!
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.