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A friend doesn`t question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
I just found out that all the people who say "You haven`t changed a bit" have been lying to me. :)
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"
I have nothing!