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If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
Today is the 1st anniversary of the end of the world. Can you believe it`s been a year since the world ended? Time sure flies when it`s the apocalypse.
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are cut diagonally?
The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.
I hate it when I meow at cats and they don`t meow back. Unbelievably rude
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.