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If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!!
Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
Time to turn over a new leaf ... With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.
Elevator music bothers me on so many levels