Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
I’ve never pretended to be anything I’m not…except for sober. I’ve pretended to be sober a few times.
I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
I`m going to clean my house today and by clean I mean I`m drinking vodka and spraying Febreze everywhere.
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!
Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don`t have Cancer! Me: So it`s working...