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So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.
New day, same old bullsh!t
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn’t reach very far.
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn`t amused when I said, "I don`t think it`s working"
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.
I`m not lazy... I`m in energy saving mode.
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?