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If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
does anyone know if smurfs are gluten free
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I`m fine.
My job description does not include farting on everyone else`s office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.
Would you mind going with me to my next Psychologist appointment? He thinks I`m making you up.
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
2013 is the first year since 1987 to have 4 different numbers… carry on.
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.