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If zombies ever do attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership.
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
Dear Equifax hackers, Please delete my student loan balance, my medical bills and change my credit score to 850. Thanks.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
The three most terrifying words a woman can utter to a man are "notice anything different?"
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)
If ghosts existed, why are they all apparently from the last 100 years or so? Wouldn’t there be evidence of a Neanderthal ghost here and there?
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.