Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn`t mean I`m getting old, right? Means I`m turning into a werewolf! Right?
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
If jail isn`t supposed to be fun, why do they get bunk beds?
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: “Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken.”
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
To the dude I just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
If I were to quit my job today and become a psychic, I would advertise with a sign that reads, “Voted best psychic of 2016!"
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who can`t take care of himself.
Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.