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If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.
Ladies - I am still available as a great last minute Christmas gift!
I`ve gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing...
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
In my defense, I was left un-supervised...
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
I grew up for this?
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
That awkward moment when a comment gets more “likes” than your status.
Behind that fat girl is a beautiful woman...No seriously, she`s in the way.
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.