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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
The ‘poke’ button on Facebook should be replaced with a ‘slap’ button.
That weird moment when u just say "what`s up " to someone and they thing you`re a shrink.
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I`m cute, I would have 1 dollar ... thanks mom.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I`m already up to 3 times a day"
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
Hate it when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and it’s not even in there.
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he’ll probably be like, “Hey, remember when you used to just give me fish?”
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.