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Is the CEO of Kraft also known as The Big Cheese?
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
Adulthood – Pros: You can now eat ice cream in bed. Cons: This will somehow make you sadder.
Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to "what would you do if you won the lottery"
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
My daughter is worse than a twitter newbie.. She manually Retweets everything I say... To my wife!
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.
Trix commercials just teach kids that sharing is bad.