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If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
What do you mean I didn’t win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
Some of you take selfies from so close up, I`m beginning to wonder if you`re a T-Rex.
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.
If Kanye didn`t sing "Gold Digger" while Kim walked down the aisle, I`m not interested in hearing anything about their wedding.
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they only have one. Break they’re bones. They have over 200 of them.
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don`t know where I belong.
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them