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AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
I`m now fit to make my regular annual resolution. The accomplishment is the problem
Marriage tip: Don`t
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
My body needs a refresh button.
What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.
I wish karma would send me email notifications.