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I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
I have just one thing to ask you people who say the memory is the first thing to go: What did I come in here for?
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
He won`t let me complain to the neighbors, so I renamed the WiFi to `SHUT YOUR DOG UP, D!CKS`
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
Save water- shower with me!
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
A dirty mind is f*cking beautiful!
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.