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I always get hammered before I go jogging, that way I never go jogging.
It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
I`ve been told that I never take responsibility for anything, and it`s all your fault.
you know why maths is unhappy? because it got so many problems.
There really should be awards for getting out of bed.
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......