Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
Common sense is so rare it should be classified as a super power
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
Personal trainer said we`re going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese...He hates me.
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.