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So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
Never take advice from someone more miserable than you are.
I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.
"If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best" literally translates to "I`m a loud, sloppy drunk."
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?