Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?
“Let me rephrase this question so I can get pissed off at you all over again.” - WOMEN
If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
Very productive day today, turd-wise
I hate it when I think I`m buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I get home I discover they`re just REGULAR donuts...
I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.
I don`t know if my stomach is growling cuz I`m hungry or if that`s my liver crying cuz it`s the weekend.
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
Don`t be upset that you`re single; be happy that someone isn`t ruining your life.
I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it`s not.
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!