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They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
I burn bridges to keep those crazy bastards from following me.
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
Half-Drunk is a waste of money.
“I saw that.” -Karma
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven does God hide behind the Pearly Gates and pretend he`s not home?
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.