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So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
My wife has spent all day arguing that she isn`t stubborn...
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
Apparently my socks never remember “The Buddy System” whenever I wash them.
Monday: A terrible way to spend 1/7 of your life.
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
My grocery cart right now says ” I’m getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!” And also. “I like fruit.”
People hate facing the truth. Luckily the truth doesn`t give a sh*t.
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!
If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn`t make me excited, pull the plug.
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook