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I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
Well, one week smoke free, only 4 dead, 27 injured… not bad…
Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
Football Logic: Your team won: Celebrate with beers! Your team lost: Better drown my sorrows in some beer.
Marriage is like playing Monopoly. It starts out as fun, gets a little boring, then someone steals money from the bank and no one ever wins.
Someone said to me earlier, "Your face looks very familiar". I said, "I know, I`ve had it a long time."
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
That moment when you run into a spider web and suddenly become a karate master.
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married