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I put the o in illiterate!
I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose beer.
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
You know you have anger-management issues when you use an entire can of fly spray at point blank range to kill the tinest of moths...
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
Neighbors at it again. I do NOT want to know the words to "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus!
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
My girlfriend says I need to grow up. I think she`s just angry I didn`t give her the password to my pillow fort.