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condoms prevent minivans
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
In today`s world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
Grown up pandas eat for 12 hours a day. In related news, it turns out I’m not fat. I’m a panda.
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
The first 30 years of childhood are always the hardest.
Line forms here for spankings
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.