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Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
Girls love shoes… so if she throws one at you, you know she’s really pissed off.
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
there is no strong beer, only weak men
I`m laying on my yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I`m in "downward facing chalk outline".
FYI, Target does not give prizes, no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
Sarcasm: because beating the sh!t out of people is illegal.
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
If you wear your old prom dress to the pharmacy, they`ll fill your antidepressants faster.