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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
When I was little we didn`t have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
The other day someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine. I was confused... What is leftover wine?
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
What`s the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller" ?
Sometimes I think, "Screw this, I will just be a stripper." Then I remember I am fat and I can`t dance.
I`m pretty sure by now “lazy” is just part of my personality description.
Abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to
I`m pretty sober, but I`m prettier drunk.
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.