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It`s amazing what you`ll wear in public when you`re not trying to have sex with anyone.
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
My new years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by the end of summer. I`ve only got 40 pounds to go.
If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
Did 4 push ups & 2 sit ups then ate 4 doughnuts & drank 2 beers. It`s called balance people!
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
I`m never free but I`m available.
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
If you cry loudly enough, your boss will usually let you go home.