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I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can`t remember the lyrics.
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
Don`t expect me not to hopscotch all over your house if you have fancy tiles.
You care so much about me? Keep that sh*t to yourself i got my demons under control