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The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
I just sprayed Citrus Fabreeze in my bathroom... Now it smells like Sh*trus
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
I was voted `Most Paranoid` by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.
When it comes to speaking Spanish I know the essentials. "Taco, nacho, burrito, cheeto, frito & no comprendo."
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.