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I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now.
I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’. You probably saw our posters on poles.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
I like dating chicks with kids, because fruity snacks
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.