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I don`t have a smartphone I have a phone that shows potential but doesn`t apply itself
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
I’m eating just in case I get hungry later
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.