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Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
I saw that! - Karma
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
Oh, I offended you with my opinion? You should hear the ones I kept to myself.
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
Do I misuse contractions? Yes, but it`s what it`s.
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.