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I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
take it easy and if it is easy take it home
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)
I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could`ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5