Daily Silly Status

No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.

I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.

My wife said she wanted to feel special. So I gave her a helmet and some crayons. Perhaps I misunderstood her?

Share this if you are weird and don`t care

200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.

I only accept apologies in cash.

If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?

I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here

If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them

My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.

I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.

We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"

I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.

I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.

“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.