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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
We`re all just nudists in disguise.
Babysitters are just teenagers who behave like adults so that adults can go out and behave like teenagers.
Accidentally took a women`s multi vitamin & I`ve been trying to get dressed for the past 3 hours, but everything is making me look fat.
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should’ve listened the first time.
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
If being an a$$hole was a professional sport, my face would be on a box of wheaties.
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.