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Vodka is just amazing water.
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
What did the Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? Something in Japanese,
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
How strict is the "I licked it, it`s mine" policy? There`s some things I`ve licked that I don`t want.
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.