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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
I don`t know why friends and family keep getting pregnant when I have two kids right here they can have.
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
CANT TOUCH THIS!! Na na na na.
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P