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We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
I would rather have a bad day of fishing then a good day of work.
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny and thin. It`s a public service really.
My favorite part of the movie The Notebook is where I turned it off and watched Terminator 2 instead.
Giving people the finger while driving just isn`t effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
Don`t be sad if you didn`t get a Valentine`s Day gift, lt`s not the end of the world. That`s still ten months away.
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them much more often