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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come
The reason swans mate for life is because they don`t talk.
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !
I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.
If you love something, feed it so much that it get’s too fat for anyone else to want.