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My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
So... Where does one obtain minions?
What doesn`t kill you, will hopefully try again